we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
