i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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