guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
