You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
