The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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