Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
