dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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