ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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