She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
