dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
