Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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