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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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