haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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