You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
