u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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