hotel room ftw
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
