I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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