so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
