We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
