yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
