Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
