Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he fucked my hip out of place.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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