would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
