Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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