Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
