Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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