I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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