so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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