you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
