Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you had me at cake vodka
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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