If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
