Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
