I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
