There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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