If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
