i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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