I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
