Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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