i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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