At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
