i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So many bounce houses so little time
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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