its not stalking. its research.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
