This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
