We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
