This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My vagina is very pro this idea
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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