puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
