I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
