i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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