Don't you send me to vm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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