Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
