Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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