My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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