I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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