Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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