I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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