That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?