My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
