Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"