I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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