Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.