So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂