i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
