Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
