did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize