Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize