I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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