i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
