Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
