It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
